it feels like i only know how to write about one thing these days.
me and you.
you and me.

i never knew that becomming a mom would change everything about me,
for forever.

i never knew that i could be so invested in a tiny little person.
i never knew i could love to this capacity.
i never knew i could give, this much, like it is nothing.

sometimes, in the dead of night, when i can't sleep, i'll sneak so so quietly into your room and watch you sleep.
even if its too dark to see your perfect tiny features, i know them by heart.
listening to your steady breathing, calms my troubles, and puts me at ease.

oh little darling girl.. do you know how tortourous it is to delight in every new thing you learn..and yet mourn that very same thing?
only a mother can know the wanting so much to stop time. to freeze our children. to keep them close to us.
only a mother can know the joy of watching our children learn, and grow.
and yet..dread the next big milestone.

oh sweet daughter of mine..do you know how beautiful it is to see your eyes light up and the simplest thing?
to see you laugh and squeel at a bug on the ground?
to watch you figure out the buttons on the dishwasher? so intent on doing it..no matter how many times i say no.
to hear you learn a new word! you little chatter box. today int he car you called me weird.
i laughed and laughed.
it made my day.

here's the thing little miss.
you are going to grow up.
and no matter what..that time monster is going to gobble up this time..and move us to the next.
and then what?

oh baby girl.
do you know what i wish even more than freezing time?
i wish for you to be everything.
i wish for you to be the best.
i wish for you to shine, and be amazing.

we cant stop time.
but...guess what my little one.
no matter your age, no matter our distance, no matter what.

once your mother.
always your mother.

MARCH2011

these weeks and months are just flying right on by!


you at dad's work playing on the tractors, in your new pink "tractor hat"
you at 24 months

i love you lynley. and i cannot believe how big you are.

i love this picture. because i love your kisses, and your hugs. and i love you.

FEB2011

i have been very bad at blogging your little blog. but i will do better! i promise.



you getting ready to go out in the freezing. you & your tractor. Great-Great Grandma Janet got you that get up.
we do lots of painting & coloring. this was one of your first times. playing in the snow! first time you really enjoyed yourself out there.

lynley ann! casper

where to start?

okay- first things first. you're new saying "oh shoot!" only it was starting to sound a little like bad word, so i really had to sit you down and teach you to emphasize the ooooot part. hahah funny girl

you know a whole new slew of words that you use CONSTANTLY. i think you take after your mom. until its 6am, and then i think you take after your dad (he is quite the talker in the early mornings, with some screaming/singing in the mix)

You just got the drift when i say help mama pick up your toys. you will go sooo quick and throw them all in. i try to make it like a game, but i gotta say, you can make a mess,but you help pick it up, so i'm cool with it. :)

You love your uncles & aunts. You know them all (well the ones that you see) you call gavin "daf" jake is "keek" Bennet is still your little finger move grandpa is "papa" kelle is "car" grandma is "mama"

you love love to wrestle with dad. you look out the window when it starts to get dark, and say "daddy" "daddy" because you know he's gotta come home sometime!

you've been sick alot the past 2 months. and it makes us both so sad. But, even though you've been throwing up, snotty nose, coughing, full of phlem, fever, you name it, you've still been really good.

I have you off of milk, and i ggot asay, you seem better. Your skin is less bumpy, you don't have as runny nose ect.

we just love having you around sweet girl. me and you play all day. we are really starting to have this awesome thing going for us.

Dad works so hard for us. i want you to always know that. he's at school right now! and its 8pm! i know he misses you during the days, but he wants to give us a good life.

please stop growing baby girl. i can't handle it.

love you more than you will EVER know.