taylor swifts new song made me cry:

your little hands wrapped around my finger/and it's so quiet in the world tonght our little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming/so i tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light/to you everythings funny/you got nothing to regret/i'd give all i have, honey/ if you could stay like that/oh darling don't you ever grow up/ just stay this little/it could stay this imple/ i won't let nobody hurt you/wo't let o one break your heart/ and no one will desert you/ just try to never grow up.

xo

bean.

bean. you are so little. you are my everything. you hold my hand. you squeeze my neck. your hair is getting longer..but only in the back. you let me wipe your nose a million times a day. you like cheese pretzels. you love your veggies.

lynley. stop growing. ok? don't ever grow up.

i have a feeling that i'm going to be that crazy mom that can't let go. that can't ever face my baby getting older, wantingto wear makeup, wanting to go to school alone, wanting to go hang out, wanting to drive a car, heaven FORBID you ever want to go on a date. i think i'll die. haha

for now, i'm trying to get over you out growing a pair of shoes. it's something i can't explain, and you'll never understand until you have your firs baby girl. every milestone is beyond exciting, and beyond devestating at the same time. it's something like, every day around 2pm, i realize that everything i have right now, someday will be gone.

good thing i have dad, otherwise, i might end up in the looney home!

i love you love chug. you're an amazing little girl. i hope that you remember that always, and that you be as great and big and bright as you can possibly be. and when i tear up, just give me the look, and i'll remember to be happy :)

xx0x00x0x0x9xixxoxoxox

mama

jabbering all day

here's all the words you can say at just about 18 months:

*baba
*mommy
*daddy
*shoe
*cup
*cracker
*apple
*bite
*baby
*hi
*bye-bye
*stinky
*poopoo
*shhh
*book
*doggy
*quack
*bath
animal noises:
*doggy
*pig
*duck
*horse
*cow
*snake
*monkey
*bunny
*fish

you blow kisses, do the itsy bitsy spider, you wave nighty night when your tired

times like these

that i look at you and just can't belive it.

you are getting so big, so smart, so independant, so fast, so busy, so interested in the world around you, so funny, so..your own little person. and it all happened over night i tell ya. lynley, where did my 5 lb baby go? it's like i woke up one day to get you out of bed and there you were, big. literally jumping up and down in your crib!

Dad doesn't get this, but i cry some nights after i put you to bed. it's my least favorite time of the day..becuase i don't see you for 12+ hours. and i kknow that during those 12 hours...my babies getting bigger and bigger.

tonight i just wanted to hold you until you fell asleep. we rocked in the green chair with your baba while i sang to you for awhile...until you wanted to be in your bed so you could sleep. i'm not saying it hurt my feelings haha but i'm just not ready.

you go to nursery now you see, this is a big step for me. usually church is 3 hours of keeping a very close eye on you. now...you go into the room accross the hall and play with other kids, while other ladies watch you and give you snack. we haven't done a whole lot of stranger baby sitters...so this is just alot for me.

you are so smart. i'm not just saying that because i'm your mom. you really are! ask anyone. lynley, you have the best little spirit around this house. when me and dad are fighting or not happy, you walk in the room and demand that we be a happy family. you make us want to be better people. to be successful. to make it through anything this world has to throw at us.

i love you lyn. i feel like i've loved you and have been waiting for you my whole life. us three, we're in this together, no matter what. and i mean that with everything in me. ok?

Even when you get biggger and are a teenager even, you'll always be my baby.